https://www.theodysseyonline.com/friends-with-benefits-would-work
Hey Kids!!
I want you to take a minute to check out this graph I put on here. Now after you've looked it over...think about that person you constantly see for a little something something. If you are thinking about your boyfriend/girlfriend this post is not going to be for you. However, if you're thinking about the fuck buddy, friend with benefit or maybe you have a cute nickname for them like, #You then please continue to read. I will be honest. I've had several drinks tonight and I might get a little preachy but just blame it on the Goose because it definitely has me LOOSE!!!
Now I started this post back in July of this month. I was about to start writing about the young man that I met the second week in September of 2015. He's in college, cute, nice little muscular cub build and he identifies as straight, even though he loves for me to eat his ass and put my cock in his nice tight muscle booty. Now how we met isn't important for this post. I'm not even going to go in to any more detail about him because now that it's almost December and I no longer live in Houston...we'll talk about someone else. I will say this though. Youngin (that's what I call him) definitely came into my life during a time that I needed to meet someone like him. Who knows what might of happened if I didn't meet him when I did. We are still friends and keep in touch regularly.
Let's get to the reason I revisited this post. The subject of "Friends with Benefits" and "Fuck Buddies" have never really been an issue for me. I've had/have Fuck Buddies and I've had/have Friends with Benefits. For those of you that don't know the difference please look at the chart above. I will also say that for me fuck buddies are like regular hookups. You don't really talk to them, they come over to get a job done (which is to get you off and themselves) and then they leave until the next time. Sometimes the next time can be the next day, a once a week thing or an every now and then thing depending on everyones schedule. Now a friend with benefits is a friend you hang out with, you guys talk and go places, the same thing that you would do with your friends (the friendship). The only thing that's different is that if the mood hits and there's no one else around you two are ok and ABLE TO HANDLE getting each other off (the benefits).
Now these arrangements don't work for everyone. These arrangements are NOT for everyone. Matter a fact if you are someone who can't separate sex and your feelings then NEITHER of those situations will work for you.
Throughout the years I've had both. Throughout the years I've been able to handle both. Throughout the years I've been able to have both as well as hookup with others too. And I think it's very important that you are hooking up, meeting other people and dating when you have those types of arrangements. Have there been times where I've had to cut out one of those arrangements with someone, YES. Have there been times when someone has had to cut it out with me, YES! But for the first time in my 34 years I'm entering a situation where I have no idea what to do. If you're still reading let me tell you about it.
Labor Day 2015 while in Atlanta a good friend of mine introduced me to someone he'd been wanting me to meet. We will call him #You. This wasn't a "I think you guys would be good together" meet and greet...this was a "I know you two are each others type and you both love to fuck and I know you'll enjoy each other." So we met...my friend was right...we were both attracted to each other and we made it do what it do...TWICE!!!
So it would be another year before this guy and I saw each other. But we stayed in touch. When I moved to the Atlanta area we made plans to see each other again. Nothing special, just a hook up late one Friday night. Well the sex was the effing BOMB!! I mean it was just what I needed and apparently it was what he needed as well. He wanted to come back and do it again the next day but that wasn't happening because I didn't want him thinking he had it like that (which he knew he did). So eventually we started getting together once a week. He had become my new ATL fuck buddy and things were going well. The sex was AMAZING and we both had a strong attraction and desire for the other and both felt the same way about how good we thought the sex was.
Then we started to fuck up. We started talking regularly and often and doing things I usually leave out and that's kissing and making out, communicating thoughts and desires. So we became friends with benefits. I'm fine with that he was fine with it...it wasn't defined, it wasn't labeled it just was what it was. We knew what it was. So it was cool. Well we fucked up again. OR better yet I did.
My friend that introduced us is a mutual friend of both #You and I. And since I wasn't really discussing him with anyone, I would mention #You every now and then whenever his name was brought up. One day when hanging out...my friend decided that apparently he'd had enough of myself and #You mentioning each other to him. So one day when the two of us were hanging out he decides to tell me that I need to stop playing myself and admit that I like #You. He also suggested that I ask the boy out on a date. I thought he was being ridiculous. I told him such. Well I fucked up again and went ahead and asked #You out.
#You fucked up by saying yes "I'm with it."
Now I told myself I was just going to go on this date and prove to myself, my friend and #You that there's nothing between the two of us but a physical attraction that leads to good sex. That #You is not dateable and that I would see that and we would return to our usually scheduled program.
Well that's not what happened. Actually the complete opposite happened. We ended up having a great date and a good time together. We also decided that we'd both end the date with just a kiss and nothing more. Again another place we fucked up. If we had went a head and done what we both wanted to do and had been doing then I think things would be different. But NOOO we had to do the right thing and make sure our date ended nicely and appropriately and showed that we could hang out with each other without planning to fuck each other.
So from then on our conversations moved from just ideal chit chat about any and everything like most friends' convos are to more conversations centered around each other. Such as our quirks, dislikes, how we handle things, you know the things you talk about so someone can get to know you on a more intimate level. We would continue to see each other once a week but now it included us going out and doing something first (like bowling, movies, dinner, etc) then we'd end the night with sex and pillow talk. The pillow talk is another place we fucked up.
Now on the outside looking in you'd think things between us were going great. Well they were! And that's the problem. Now #You and I have that opposites attract thing going. We have a connection and good chemistry that apparently others we don't even talk too can see...
*This is what happened in reference to that* (was called out at a Halloween party by a friend of a friend asking why me and #You weren't an item and had I ever thought about getting up with him and that we'd be cute together, etc. At first I just thought he was trying to be messy and nosey so I played dumb but then I realized he doesn't know me or #You so he must really be going off of what he picked up on from seeing us at the party. Which again I thought was crazy because we both made sure we weren't around each other and didn't even walk into the party together. Again I hadn't spoken with anyone about him and I'm sure he hadn't either. So I asked my friend that introduced us and he said he hadn't spoken to anyone and that the guy was just saying out loud what a lot of other people were thinking.)
So I'm sure you're probably asking..."Bitch what's the problem!" WELL the problem is that neither one of us wants to like the other. The problem is neither one of us wants to be in a relationship. The problem is I don't want to feel this way about a guy like him. The problem is the feelings we have aren't being suppressed no matter how hard we both are trying. The problem is trying to suppress how I feel is causing me to do dumb shit that's not in my character. The problem is HE'S JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCK BUDDY!!! The problem is I'm crazy about him and I don't want anything to change. The biggest problem is that my feelings scare me because he might be the one, flaws and all.
In one of our many discussions we both have said that we can no longer suppress how we are feeling for the other. He's proven this in the last couple weeks by expressing himself and telling me that he likes me and I scare him. That when he asked himself why he was continuing to fight his feelings for me he no longer had an answer. I returned these statements with things like "oh really. Oh ok. Yeah I know. I've known for awhile." nothing that would allow myself to be vulnerable or let him know how I was feeling. I was still trying to suppress.
Well I can no longer suppress. It's starting to interfere with things between him and me. I'm supposed to tell him how I'm feeling and do something that includes one of the few things I'm not good at and that's expressing myself and how I feel. To me when I express myself it makes things real and I can no longer pretend and the person can no longer pretend they don't know. Expressing myself is one of the things he's constantly telling me he wants me to do better at and to work on. So when I told him that the next time we saw each other I wanted to express somethings to him...I know he was pleased to hear that.
Now before my one follower gets all excited. I am NOT telling him that I want to be with him. Because at this time that would be a lie. I am NOT telling him that I want things between us to be completely different because that would be a lie also and it's unnecessary because we both already treat the other better and differently than we do our other friends with benefits and fuck buddies. I think what I'll do is simply tell him how I feel about him and also let him know that doesn't mean I want us to be in a relationship or change what we are already doing. The feelings I have for him formed at their own accord so it's probably best that they work themselves out that way too. I'll do my part by letting him know what's up. And we are both head strong enough to move on from there without complicating things.
So what do you think...is the chart above right? If you have a good friendship, good sex and love does that equal the elusive perfect match?
I want you to take a minute to check out this graph I put on here. Now after you've looked it over...think about that person you constantly see for a little something something. If you are thinking about your boyfriend/girlfriend this post is not going to be for you. However, if you're thinking about the fuck buddy, friend with benefit or maybe you have a cute nickname for them like, #You then please continue to read. I will be honest. I've had several drinks tonight and I might get a little preachy but just blame it on the Goose because it definitely has me LOOSE!!!
Now I started this post back in July of this month. I was about to start writing about the young man that I met the second week in September of 2015. He's in college, cute, nice little muscular cub build and he identifies as straight, even though he loves for me to eat his ass and put my cock in his nice tight muscle booty. Now how we met isn't important for this post. I'm not even going to go in to any more detail about him because now that it's almost December and I no longer live in Houston...we'll talk about someone else. I will say this though. Youngin (that's what I call him) definitely came into my life during a time that I needed to meet someone like him. Who knows what might of happened if I didn't meet him when I did. We are still friends and keep in touch regularly.
Let's get to the reason I revisited this post. The subject of "Friends with Benefits" and "Fuck Buddies" have never really been an issue for me. I've had/have Fuck Buddies and I've had/have Friends with Benefits. For those of you that don't know the difference please look at the chart above. I will also say that for me fuck buddies are like regular hookups. You don't really talk to them, they come over to get a job done (which is to get you off and themselves) and then they leave until the next time. Sometimes the next time can be the next day, a once a week thing or an every now and then thing depending on everyones schedule. Now a friend with benefits is a friend you hang out with, you guys talk and go places, the same thing that you would do with your friends (the friendship). The only thing that's different is that if the mood hits and there's no one else around you two are ok and ABLE TO HANDLE getting each other off (the benefits).
Now these arrangements don't work for everyone. These arrangements are NOT for everyone. Matter a fact if you are someone who can't separate sex and your feelings then NEITHER of those situations will work for you.
Throughout the years I've had both. Throughout the years I've been able to handle both. Throughout the years I've been able to have both as well as hookup with others too. And I think it's very important that you are hooking up, meeting other people and dating when you have those types of arrangements. Have there been times where I've had to cut out one of those arrangements with someone, YES. Have there been times when someone has had to cut it out with me, YES! But for the first time in my 34 years I'm entering a situation where I have no idea what to do. If you're still reading let me tell you about it.
Labor Day 2015 while in Atlanta a good friend of mine introduced me to someone he'd been wanting me to meet. We will call him #You. This wasn't a "I think you guys would be good together" meet and greet...this was a "I know you two are each others type and you both love to fuck and I know you'll enjoy each other." So we met...my friend was right...we were both attracted to each other and we made it do what it do...TWICE!!!
So it would be another year before this guy and I saw each other. But we stayed in touch. When I moved to the Atlanta area we made plans to see each other again. Nothing special, just a hook up late one Friday night. Well the sex was the effing BOMB!! I mean it was just what I needed and apparently it was what he needed as well. He wanted to come back and do it again the next day but that wasn't happening because I didn't want him thinking he had it like that (which he knew he did). So eventually we started getting together once a week. He had become my new ATL fuck buddy and things were going well. The sex was AMAZING and we both had a strong attraction and desire for the other and both felt the same way about how good we thought the sex was.
Then we started to fuck up. We started talking regularly and often and doing things I usually leave out and that's kissing and making out, communicating thoughts and desires. So we became friends with benefits. I'm fine with that he was fine with it...it wasn't defined, it wasn't labeled it just was what it was. We knew what it was. So it was cool. Well we fucked up again. OR better yet I did.
My friend that introduced us is a mutual friend of both #You and I. And since I wasn't really discussing him with anyone, I would mention #You every now and then whenever his name was brought up. One day when hanging out...my friend decided that apparently he'd had enough of myself and #You mentioning each other to him. So one day when the two of us were hanging out he decides to tell me that I need to stop playing myself and admit that I like #You. He also suggested that I ask the boy out on a date. I thought he was being ridiculous. I told him such. Well I fucked up again and went ahead and asked #You out.
#You fucked up by saying yes "I'm with it."
Now I told myself I was just going to go on this date and prove to myself, my friend and #You that there's nothing between the two of us but a physical attraction that leads to good sex. That #You is not dateable and that I would see that and we would return to our usually scheduled program.
Well that's not what happened. Actually the complete opposite happened. We ended up having a great date and a good time together. We also decided that we'd both end the date with just a kiss and nothing more. Again another place we fucked up. If we had went a head and done what we both wanted to do and had been doing then I think things would be different. But NOOO we had to do the right thing and make sure our date ended nicely and appropriately and showed that we could hang out with each other without planning to fuck each other.
So from then on our conversations moved from just ideal chit chat about any and everything like most friends' convos are to more conversations centered around each other. Such as our quirks, dislikes, how we handle things, you know the things you talk about so someone can get to know you on a more intimate level. We would continue to see each other once a week but now it included us going out and doing something first (like bowling, movies, dinner, etc) then we'd end the night with sex and pillow talk. The pillow talk is another place we fucked up.
Now on the outside looking in you'd think things between us were going great. Well they were! And that's the problem. Now #You and I have that opposites attract thing going. We have a connection and good chemistry that apparently others we don't even talk too can see...
*This is what happened in reference to that* (was called out at a Halloween party by a friend of a friend asking why me and #You weren't an item and had I ever thought about getting up with him and that we'd be cute together, etc. At first I just thought he was trying to be messy and nosey so I played dumb but then I realized he doesn't know me or #You so he must really be going off of what he picked up on from seeing us at the party. Which again I thought was crazy because we both made sure we weren't around each other and didn't even walk into the party together. Again I hadn't spoken with anyone about him and I'm sure he hadn't either. So I asked my friend that introduced us and he said he hadn't spoken to anyone and that the guy was just saying out loud what a lot of other people were thinking.)
So I'm sure you're probably asking..."Bitch what's the problem!" WELL the problem is that neither one of us wants to like the other. The problem is neither one of us wants to be in a relationship. The problem is I don't want to feel this way about a guy like him. The problem is the feelings we have aren't being suppressed no matter how hard we both are trying. The problem is trying to suppress how I feel is causing me to do dumb shit that's not in my character. The problem is HE'S JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCK BUDDY!!! The problem is I'm crazy about him and I don't want anything to change. The biggest problem is that my feelings scare me because he might be the one, flaws and all.
In one of our many discussions we both have said that we can no longer suppress how we are feeling for the other. He's proven this in the last couple weeks by expressing himself and telling me that he likes me and I scare him. That when he asked himself why he was continuing to fight his feelings for me he no longer had an answer. I returned these statements with things like "oh really. Oh ok. Yeah I know. I've known for awhile." nothing that would allow myself to be vulnerable or let him know how I was feeling. I was still trying to suppress.
Well I can no longer suppress. It's starting to interfere with things between him and me. I'm supposed to tell him how I'm feeling and do something that includes one of the few things I'm not good at and that's expressing myself and how I feel. To me when I express myself it makes things real and I can no longer pretend and the person can no longer pretend they don't know. Expressing myself is one of the things he's constantly telling me he wants me to do better at and to work on. So when I told him that the next time we saw each other I wanted to express somethings to him...I know he was pleased to hear that.
Now before my one follower gets all excited. I am NOT telling him that I want to be with him. Because at this time that would be a lie. I am NOT telling him that I want things between us to be completely different because that would be a lie also and it's unnecessary because we both already treat the other better and differently than we do our other friends with benefits and fuck buddies. I think what I'll do is simply tell him how I feel about him and also let him know that doesn't mean I want us to be in a relationship or change what we are already doing. The feelings I have for him formed at their own accord so it's probably best that they work themselves out that way too. I'll do my part by letting him know what's up. And we are both head strong enough to move on from there without complicating things.
So what do you think...is the chart above right? If you have a good friendship, good sex and love does that equal the elusive perfect match?
