Hey Kids!
So I have some bad news. I think I'm falling for #You. I know you're thinking..."No MJ you can't! Not you! We believed in You!" I know I know. I'm a little disappointed in myself but it's just been happening. And when I thought I was about to lose him that had a profound impact on my life. Never thought I'd ever feel again...but low and behold #You has brought that out of me too. Allow me to explain...
So it's Friday evening and I'm out with #You helping him celebrate his birthday. Things are going great then it turns to shit! Cut to us in a vacate parking lot arguing over me not expressing my feelings and still fighting what's happening between us. I understood what he was telling me and why he was upset. I felt like he was overreacting and being a brat. He admitted to the brat part but not the overreacting part until the next day. Next thing you know he starts telling me "the nigga I wanted to spend my birthday with the most and the one I care about the most is the one that's ruining my birthday." As he's saying this tears start running down his face. And then he exclaims "I'm done with this!" Now I'm not sure what got in me but watching him cry and fuss, cut me deep! If I wasn't sure of how I felt about him before then I sure as hell knew after that moment. Because all I wanted to do was make him feel better and try to fix the problem. I still feel a pain in my heart when that image replays some nights when I close my eyes. This mind doesn't forget anything and remembers EVERYTHING I don't want it too! It's a blessing and a curse.
Well we talked for about another 2 hours in my car and then went our separate ways. That was not how the evening was supposed to go at all. We were supposed to close the night out in each other's arms. Instead it closed with him being hurt and pissed off at me and me being hurt and pissed at myself. I mean all this man wants me to do is be more expressive when it comes to us and not just go with the flow all the time...you know have a back bone. I don't know what's happened with me and my feelings and heart in the past few years. But I am closed off, expressionless and fighting my feelings for him...STILL!! They are just developing so fast. And I can't control them. And relinquishing control is hard for me to do as well.
But I need to learn how to do that and fast! Because one thing I am certain of is that I don't want to lose him. And I want to continue to get to know more about him. It's time to "Make it Work"
Saturday morning he sent me a text apologizing saying he overreacted in his delivery but still stands by what he said. We had both been crying all night behaving like love sick lesbians in my opinion haha
He sent me a song he wanted me to listen too. It was totally unexpected and that's what he's so good at and how he keeps capturing pieces of my heart...he's so unpredictable and continues to surprise me. The song is Ne-Yo's "Make it Work" if you've never listened to it before it's a must. It just spoke volumes to our situation.
Needless to say we ended up having a great weekend together and he got the great birthday celebration he'd been wanting and expecting.
I don't know what's to come next but I do know that I'm looking forward to making it work. It's time for me to grow up and face some hard uncomfortable truths.
So I've got to ask...what's it take for you and your boo to make it work?
